I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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