why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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