Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
