If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
