I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
