i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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