never play flip cup with pint glasses
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sext me about skeletons
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
