maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
