fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
