I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the day after is always just damage control
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
