Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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