she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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