the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
40s are totally the cure
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
