I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
