bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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