i love accidental penises.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
