Even the bartender felt bad for me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
