NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
