i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
