you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
