So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize