I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
