...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
