Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
