i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
zippers are such a cool invention
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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