I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
