your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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