He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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