I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize