I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
