we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
