Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
