clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
