how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
