we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
