He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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