forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
