I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
