Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
