He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
