The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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