in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
