I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
