I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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