just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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