I puked a lego.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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