He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
