I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
