Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dick very happy bro
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
