yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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