you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
