hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize