I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize