I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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