guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
