I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
