It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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