im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
