the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
