six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
