I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
