i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
