Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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