you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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