I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
now i know why i became what i already was.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
