I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
